My Companion Only Ever Focuses On Her Own Life: Is It Time to Distance Myself?

Our close companions for more than 20 years, a person who's faced and conquered numerous obstacles, her resilience is commendable. Yet, she's repeatedly taken by surprise by others. Her spouse left her, which came as a huge shock. Several of close acquaintances vanished at that point, since they had been focused solely on the spouse. It shocked her deeply. She put in more effort toward our bond, probably understood better what friendship was.

A Recurring Theme of Disappearance

Throughout this period, many in her circle vanished leaving her certain of the reason. Her last employer suddenly changed toward her, although she was highly competent, her exit happened without knowing why things shifted.

Present Situation

Recently, both of us stepped back from work so we're spending frequent meetups, yet I realize the part I play between us is to listen. I introduce discussion points only for her to redirect conversation onto what interests her. In terms of politics, she has unyielding views. My effort is to suggest double-checking information and alternate views.

She is arranging a holiday abroad I have traveled to many times and lived in previously. I tried to provide insights, however, my input met with resistance. She purely only wanted my agreement with her plans. I recently ended a month in that country and she wants to meet, however, I hesitate.

Evaluating the Situation

I hesitate in this role that walks away abruptly, however, I feel she'll truly understand the consequences of her behaviour on my confidence. Currently, I find myself in distancing myself. What's the best step?

Possible Paths

It's possible to walk away, however, that approach is rarely a smooth outcome we imagine. Yet having a direct talk with the goal of a solution requires bravery and readiness from both people.

Experts suggest applying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Initially requires explaining what typically happens in your conversations. This needs to be objective and clear and essentially what a recording device would replay. Step two is to express how this leaves you feeling. This allows for no dispute about this. Your feelings are your feelings, of course. Finally involves requesting how the two of you going to change the dynamics between you."

Keep in mind that she also has her own side, so you need to be prepared to acknowledge it. An approach that works is to say your friend:

"It's your turn to speak while I will remain silent for half an hour."

Closing Considerations

Your friend could ignore everything, since certain individuals hold onto a “survival narrative”: they maintain a version regarding their experiences they cannot let go of as it feels essential is tied to it being the only thing familiar to them. This poses a challenge as there is no easy route here, mere obstacles. However, she might start out this way and then think your perspective. If a resolution isn't found a resolution, it will give you satisfaction knowing you were open and direct.